I will apologize first, if this gets to long. I am in much need of a sounding board, and am going to use my chance!
The past month has been hell around here. Not with Joe and I, but with people in our lives!!!
It really started in July, when we found out that yet again, Joe's family has been running their mouths. A lot of hurtful things were said and blame put on us, for things we did not do, but they did.
At that point, after 13 years of this, Joe had had enough and called his mom to confront her.
She indirectly admitted to something, and denied the rest. You would think an apology would have come at some point, but did not.
Well, she didn't call Joe for a few months, at the point, when she did, apparently, he wouldn't take her calls. ( I don't know for sure, as this was while he was at work.)
Now, for the past 13 yrs. these people have blamed me for everything under the sun, refusing to put the blame on Joe for the things he was doing or not doing. You see, I want you all to know that I have had a gun to his head for 13 yrs. Yes, you know me!!! I am evil, a bitch, and dislike people for no reason at all. So, I wonder why I get called a rug, if these things are true? Something to think about, right?
Anyway, Joe's mom FINALLY called our house in October, yes October. June-October?
Leaving a message, crying that she wanted to see the kids, still no apology, as I don't deserve one and neither does Joe.
In the midst of all of this, we have heard from Joe's dad few times, but no sibling calls.
Now, the same week that his mother called, his uncle ( STEP UNCLE ) decide to post something nasty about Joe on a mutual friends facebook site. Let me rewind a bit, about a month ago, this same man, also posted some very hurtful things about me on MY FACEBOOK SITE. Do you think anyone stood up for me, I think not.... Also, his cousin, posted some opionionated things on my site , and with the combination of both, Joe decided to delete his family off of my site, minus a handful. But, again, that was me with my gun.......
So, after Joe's uncles nasty remarks about Joe's BALLS, I decided enough was enough. I am so done with the mudslinging, and I will confront who Joe and I feel is responsible, his mother and step dad.
So I place the call, of course after talking to Joe about it first. It was a 4 minute message I left her. Mind you, I did not swear or name call, but I was very stern and brutally honest.
You see, with all this going on for 13 years, all my son knows of them is the way they hurt me. They have said and done things in front of him, that had him in tears, and by this point, Braxton is walking around saying" She isn't my grandma". Yes, he is young, but a very wise child. He can tell my emotions, and he can see the way they treat me.
So I mention in the call the way Braxton feels and the way her son feels, and that her issues are with him, as I no longer want anything to do with Joe's family. Please forgive me, but 13 years of being blamed, back stabbed, you name it, and I am done dealing with them. I don't owe them anything. I don't want negative people in my life. That is it, period! Nor around my children, when these same people yell at me inside restaurants, and you know why? Because I was helping her son and his family in a time of need. Just so you know, they don't like his wife either, or they didn't for 22 yrs.
If you know me, I am the one who always stands up for people, therefor I am the bitch. I figure if you want to sling mud, do it fairly. This family doesn't know how to do that. I don't have anything to say that I won't or haven't said to your face, and further more, I don't appreciate being blamed for words that I DID NOT SAY, that someone else did!
So, after this phone call, it has been peaceful. No drama coming into my facebook, or emails. My phone is not ringing, well, it only rang that one time anyway.
I feel bad for making her feel bad, as I am quite certain that is what happened, and although I wanted to apologize, I did not. Why? I am done. Just done with it all. I have never gotten an apology from them, never will, and I meant business with that call.
It gets even more sad. So Joe proceeds to tell me how he really doesn't know his family, he never has, and that it has just been control things with them. He mentioned something that if I heard my brother say, I would just die of a broken heart. I can not repeat it. That is for him to tell his siblings, not me.....
You know, I have come to learn a lot in life, and I can appreciate a lot more by having the knowledge I have.
People come in and out of your life for a reason. This is true, however, when people are a constant negative, unsupportive, un kind, then you have that choice whether you continue to let such people stay in your life. I have made my choice and so has Joe.
One thing they never could learn is to shut their damn mouths. They would talk to whoever would listen. Trust me, I have had people I don't know confront me on things, or things said that I only knew came from them. So you would think the philosophy of " I don't have to go home with them at night" would work, it doesn't. You know, there are 3 sides to a story, his. hers and the truth.
I have spent years feeling about myself, the way they try to make me look to others. I feel ugly, and mean, and unloved. Well, sorry. Those days are over. I am not ugly, nor mean, or even unloved.
I have a huge support system in my life, from my side of the family, to friends. I don't need them.
Now, for future reference, I did take the gun down away from Joe's pretty face and told him that he could go see these people if he ever wanted to. My only stipulation is the kids don't go without me. If these people will tear me apart in front of my kids, what will they do when I am not there?
You would think they would have enough respect for me, that I gave birth to these kids, but maybe Joe did that on his own. Who knows.
I feel strongly that family is not who you are born with or into, but those that you choose to love and who choose to love you back.
I don't think anyone deserves to be abused in such manners by family, and that it is okay, because they are family. If people truly loved their family, they would love them for who they are, not criticize them for the person they aren't.
I love all people, I have LDS friends, Catholic friends, gay, lesbian and straight friends. I have hispanic, white and african american friends. I have friend with college degrees, many without, friends with kids, friends without.
Now, I may not always agree with what they do, but that is what makes our relationships so wonderful. We have knowledge to gain from one another. I am not in their shoes, nor they in mine. We don't always see eye to eye, but we always feel our hearts to heart.
I love all of you who support me and continue to do so. I love that you have let me into your lives to get to know you better, and further more, have taken the time to do the same back with me.
You know, I have gotten really tired of always being the one to initiate relationships. Always make the call, so I really appreciate when you all do that for me.
I know our lives get busy, I know we have families, but you should know that I am always thinking of you in some way or another, and that I love you dearly.